What I was never taught about leading my family.

It's been my experience that trouble comes all of the sudden, but when I take a closer look there are always indicators. I just wasn't looking.

As guys we have a lot going on and lots of responsibilities that our wives and families are not aware. We can mad at this fact, but a more profitable view is to embrace it and become better men that are able to handle all these situations with class and ease.

I bring this up because in the midst of us leading our families, getting traction and making headway, we are faced with situations that can take us off our game.

• Our wives are unhappy or upset about something...

• Our kids need something...

• Our business is facing certain threats to it's profitability....

• Our parents are aging....

• Our home needs repair....

  and the list grows from here.

I don't think there is a way to get rid of these entirely, but there is a way to be proactive and handle them without loosing our minds or temper.

Proverbs 27:23-24 – American Standard Version

23 Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks,
And look well to thy herds:
24 For riches are not for ever;
And doth the crown endure unto all generations?

I was never formally taught how lead my family. But when I read this, It hit me. My problems and frustrations in being a husband and dad, were because I felt like was always behind the 8 ball. I felt like I was always responding to problems, instead of charting and choosing the course, I wanted to follow.

A shepherd knows the condition of their flock.  Me, being the family's shepherd, was unaware of the condition of my flock. I was passive, waiting on concerns and problems to arise, instead of intentionally searching out threats.

Your role as Family CEO, demands that you be ahead of your family. Your’s and my position, dictates that we be in front of our family. So we can make wise decisions and go in the direction in line with our highest values.

When we wait for problems to arise, they come at the most inopportune time. At those moments we have to come up with solutions on the fly. Our family is looking at us to make a decision, and make it quickly. Feeling the pressure to solve it and get rid of any frustration or pain, we make a quick decision that might not be the best solution.

I'm not casting blame, I have been there plenty times before. I got angry because I was forced to make a decision that I had not fully vetted.

So what's the solution?

I don't know if you have this experience, but, when I am away for a day or two, or if I sleep in on sabbath, my wife has a whole list of things to consider, when I wake. She has had time to think and to simmer, and can't wait to get my take on it.

This use to bother me, but I realized, I created this situation.

“How?” you ask.

I didn't get in front of her. You know, like when we say, “I need to get in front of this, before it becomes a bigger problem.” That's what I didn't do.

It manifests itself in several ways.

The “Honey Do” list. She would say to me, “ I think we need to do”.... fill in the blank.

Now there are many reasons I wouldn't want to do that specific task or project at that time. And I would explain that to her. This would always end, in her being frustrated and feeling held back and her hands tied.

So what was the solution.

Getting ahead of her.

Now when we have our weekly intentional check in, I will set the course. “Here are the projects we need to be thinking about. Can you help me by......” And, “These are the things that are are waiting on to complete.... When these are available, we will start on …....” And, “ Honey, where are we with …....?” And, “What have you found out and what do we need to do next with.....?”

Our role as Family CEO is setting the agenda and cadence of our family.

Another way we can be caught off guard is waiting until a crisis intersects our children's lives. I don't want to wake up one day and be informed that one of my kids has an addiction or is dealing with severe emotional or mental stresses.

For our daughters, it could be how they feel about their bodies and wondering if they are desirable to a possible suitor. We don't need to find this out after it has taken root. Instead we need to be cutting it off at the pass. We need to have intentional time to encourage them and set right thinking, let them know how beautiful and amazing we think they are.

For our sons, it could be addressing the ever constant temptation to fall into lust. I would much rather, pose the question of purity to my son, before the fact, than wait for him to fight this on his own and become full of shame and guilt. He has know that his dad has to fight this battle, even though I've been married thirty plus years. I need to give him a heads up on how I mitigate it.

I think we have this idea, that our kids and family will figure it out on their own. And with YHWH's help they will. But at what cost and with what damage are we willing to sit by and not get ahead of these pitfalls? Because we are unsure or embarrassed or haven't dealt with these issues in our own life, we are willing to become slow to act.

It really doesn't matter if you have it all together or not. Your family needs your leadership. If not you, then who, will do this for them?

I don't have it all together, and my family knows it. What they also know is that I won't stop fighting for them and working with them to beat these things. My lacking in certain areas and my willingness to admit to them where I fall, has become a valuable asset. They know I can relate to them, I don't judge them. I love them. And, they know, I have been where they are.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not condoning sin at all. But on this journey, I see my family as coming along with me. All of us, encouraging one another to be increasingly conformed to the image of Messiah and the character of YHWH.

This process starts with an intentional meeting, discussing the condition of our relationship and the condition of our walk with Messiah. This happens at least once a month, and sometimes more often. For your wife, your family COO (chief operating officer), these meetings and interactions need to happen more often.

Also, remember to have a time to connect where family and life issues are not discussed. These need to be reserved for just you and her and your relationship.