The most important mind shift you can make in your marriage.

The Ten Commandments given to Israel at Mt. Sinai are really, in essence, marriage vows. These were given to YHWH's people as a way of living.

Now someone's first reaction is, “What…marriage contract? God was not married to His people.” They might be indignant, but also ignorant.

From YHWH's very mouth He states in Jeremiah,

Jeremiah 31

31 Behold, the days come, saith YHWH, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: 32 not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was a husband unto them, saith YHWH.

YHWH is the head of His people. He is the protector of His people. He is the provider of His people. He performs the role of husband and is the example to be followed by all husbands worldwide.

So going back to the Ten Commandments: if we can wrap our minds around the concept that these were vows, then it would profit us to understand and implement these into our own marriages.

Today, I want to explore the last commandment. This commandment is most misunderstood and sometimes is looked at as a last minute addition. This would be a miscalculation.

How does the last commandment, Thou shall not covet, become a real game changer in the way we approach marriage and a change agent in our minds?

Thou shall not covet.

It’s a Heart Issue

This instruction or command will change with whatever lens you're looking through at the moment. If you're looking through a marriage lens or a sexual lens, Thou shall not covet your neighbor's house, your neighbor's wife, this can be connected to Thou shall not commit adultery.

If you are looking at the command, Thou shall not covet your neighbor's donkeys or bulls, those have to do with wanting something that's not yours, and can be tied to Thou shall not steal.

Coveting is the precursor to something else.

And YHWH puts this in because this is a heart issue. Yehushua, the Messiah, says, if you look at a woman to lust after her, you have already committed adultery in your heart.

If you read, Thou shall not covet your neighbor's things, and you're looking at Instagram, seeing other people's lives, their money, jets, and cars, and it becomes an unhealthy obsession, this is a problem. And as you look at what others have, and it creates angst in your heart, because you do not possess those things, it really has to do with you already committing greed in your heart.

If you're looking at others’ relationships and saying, “Hey, I want that…,” but are unwilling to do the work to possess it, to gain without work, you go against the instruction of YHWH that says, You will reap what you sow. And if you say, “I don't want to sow, I just want to reap without sowing,” then you've already committed sin in your heart.

The 10th commandment, Thou shall not covet, is genius, of course it would be, because our Heavenly Father spoke it from His mouth.

It's genius because it covers all the bases.

Thou shalt not covet looks at the heart and asks: What is the condition of the heart? What does the heart desire that it doesn't already have? And what will the heart do to obtain it?

Will the heart go after unwise or unlawful means to attain it, such as in the case of another man's wife? Will it try to do an end-around and seduce her?

Or will he look at his own marriage and say, “I'm not going to covet and obsess about what Alex has, because God has given me this, and He has created me and knows me, so this is what I will steward to the best of my ability.”

What I hadn't fully understood, because of my laziness as it related to my own marriage, is the above understanding.

Instead of coveting that which is not mine, I hadn’t asked myself the question: “How do I get more out of…get better at…invest more wisely into my marriage, business and life that YHWH has already put on my path?”

I couldn’t see. It wasn’t on my radar to become better at my own marriage when I was looking outside of it to get my needs and desires met. I needed to look within. I didn’t need to look over there. I needed to acknowledge what my Heavenly Father had already given me.

“Father, you gave me this marriage, but I haven’t done the work to make it the very absolute best, world class marriage that has ever been.”

We could do this with anything. We could say, “Man, that guy's house, his life, he's got it all together. That guy's business, that guy's bank account.”

Well, I have a bank account. I have a business. I have a house. But I’m looking at what this other guy has, and wanting it, and desiring it, and lusting after it, and coveting it.

The real trap is, while I’m in this mental hamster wheel is I’m kept from looking within.

I should be saying, “My Heavenly Father has given me this house. Have I made this house everything that it can be?

Have I made my business everything that it could be?

Have I made my bank account everything that it could be? Have I made my body everything that it could be?

You know, I want this other guy’s body, I want to look jacked, but have I made mine everything it could be?”

Thou shall not covet speaks to the heart. But it speaks even past the heart. It speaks to our possible future.

We don’t let God develop amazing things in our lives. We don’t let Him bring forth the fruition of our dreams, our desires.

He said, the desires of your heart. Keep your eyes on me, and I'll add all these things unto you. But we don’t do that because we don’t trust Him.

We want the quick fix. We want it to happen yesterday. And then, when we get to tomorrow and it’s still not there, we’re like, “Dang, God, are you not listening to my prayers?”

When we could have been saying, “You know what, Father, you’ve given me this. Let me make this the most amazing thing, because you’ve given it to me. Let me work on it.”

I think about people who succeed in business and in life: they take what they have, they hone it, hone it, hone it. Reiterate, reiterate, reiterate until they have something amazing.

You don’t see these people becoming disenchanted, complaining, or skipping around to whatever is easiest and quickest.

Thou shall not covet.

I wonder how many times I’ve coveted.

I’ve probably coveted more times than imaginable.

I wonder if our Heavenly Father knows something that we don’t.

I wonder if He’s sitting there going, “Brandon, quit looking outside and look within. Quit looking at the neighbor’s grass being greener. Look at your own. You haven’t cut it, you haven’t fertilized it, you haven’t manicured it, you haven’t watered it.

You want the shortcut, Brandon?

You want the end-around? You want the loophole, you want the cheat sheet? You want all these things, but I’m not giving them to you because they won’t help you. What you need to focus on is being thankful for what I’ve given you.”

And here lies what I think is the truth of the matter, and also the cure.

The cure for covetousness is gratitude and embracing what we have in our lives as it exists right now. I’m not saying that we settle.

I’m not saying that we just go, “Okay, this is all I have, and I’m not going to work to expand it.”

What I’m saying is that our lives have to be embraced.

I’ve been working in the coffee business for over 25 years. I started Portland Brew in Nashville and owned it for 10 years, and then sold it. Thinking it was a failure, I went into my cave and thought to myself, “That was a pretty rough experience. Maybe I should start something else. Maybe I should change lanes and get into a better opportunity.”

I don’t know how many times it seemed like it just wasn’t doing it for me. I blamed the business. I blamed my landlords. I blamed the scarcity of a quality workforce. I blamed the economy.

Then a great friend, Brady, challenged me. He asked a question that flipped the script in my life:

“Brandon, have there been other coffee businesses with the same set of obstacles that you have had, but have been successful?”

The answer was obvious. “Yes,” I said.

“Then why not you?” he replied.

It hit me like a 2x4 across the face. I had been looking outside, while the problem was inside.

It was only then that I got traction. When I made the conscious effort to embrace the opportunity in front of me. I wasn’t giving coffee a fair chance, wasn’t giving it everything I could. I wasn’t putting my full weight upon it. I wasn’t putting my full effort into it. I wanted something quicker, easier, more profitable. I wanted it done today.

I was impatient. I don’t feel like I’m an impatient person. But I was impatient.

When I embraced it and said to myself, “Okay, Brandon, you’re gonna do coffee. You’re gonna do it until it works. You’re gonna do it until it’s done.”