Is it just me, or do you want to be liked, loved and respected?

I don't know how many times I have had the thought, “ I wonder what they will think?” When I was younger, I wanted to please people. I wanted for everyone to like me. I wanted for people to think I had it together.

When I got married, I transferred these “wants” to my wife. I wonder how she will see me? I want her to be happy with my decisions. I don't want to rock the boat, and make sure she trusts me. I want her to desire and want me. I don't want to be rejected by her.

All of these statements are in some form, seeking approval. Its a slippery slope. Everyone wants to be liked, loved and respected, right?

I don't know many people that don't go through the mental process of calculating, how...what they do... will be received.

I don't know many men that don't care if they are liked. But those men that have that mentality, those men are powerful.

Scripture speaks on this thing of seeking approval.

Proverbs 29:25

The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in YHWH shall be safe.

Loosely translated: “When you care what people will think, you are setting a trap for yourself, but if instead, you care what YHWH thinks, you will be safe.”

This isn't a recommendation to be a jerk. But what it is a recommendation for, is getting your marching orders and mission from the Creator, YHWH.

He is our heavenly father and He has the plan. He can see the obstacles…He has seen this play out for millennia.

Seeking approval is more about, us finding our worth.

Men have always been judged and valued on our utility. Women and Children are always first off of a sinking ship. Men go to War. Historically and even now, men make up the majority of all those in law enforcement and first responders.

Men are judged on how well they can provide and protect. A woman's natural inclination for security is reflected in her desire for a man that has the ability to perform those tasks. The more he can provide and protect, the more attractive he is to her. That's why money and muscles are natural attractants to women. They convey a man's potential to provide and protect.

Our desire as men to seek approval, taps into these utility functions and gives us a score, a ranking.

What do usually ask in the first conversation with another dude? “So what do you do for a living?” This is a way for us connect, because we know, what we do (our job or vocation), is directly tied to our ability to protect and provide.

Seeking approval comes from insecurity in our ability to provide and protect. If we have those two areas squared, we are much less likely to see external approval, because we have the confidence internally, that our responsibilities are solid.

Seeking approval also comes from the insecurity of not knowing if we are on the right path. We want confirmation that we are making progress and going in the right direction. We want praise that we are doing a good job.

We seek approval, in subtle ways.

We like to talk about the “big thing” we are apart of. We want people to notice and acknowledge our work and accomplishments. We tell people what we have been doing, in hopes we get praise, or “at a boys”. We buy things to impress others. We join groups to be part of the crowd, in hopes that being part, will define our worth. We do things we are not totally sold on, because society has told us to.

On the flip side, We won't do things that we should because it might offend, or upset people. We are yes men, instead of speaking our mind in kindness. We are non-confrontational, but instead, keep a record, when people have offended us. We let things slide, because addressing the issue is more dangerous in the short-term. We blame others, because changing our actions and responses would threaten our comfort and identity.

When we are confident that we are doing right and on the right path, we seek no approval.

This is where our relationship with the Father comes in. If we are getting our direction, our goals, our ambitions from Him, the Eternal, and we are measuring our progress and our status from YHWH, it makes seeking approval from lesser temporal beings a moot point.

This will be somewhat controversial, but imagine being a basketball player and wanting to excel. You practice. You are disciplined. You are progressing. On the court with you is the GOAT, Micheal Jordan. Of course some of you will argue, LeBron James, is the best, and for this mental exercise, choose whomever you want. But just know Micheal was the greatest of all time.

Anyway, you ask for Micheal's feedback and he gives you a detailed briefing on how to “up your game” and progress to be the best basketball player possible.

Ask yourself, “Do you care what your buddies on the team say about your basketball prospects?”, or will the conversation and customized coaching you received from Micheal, resonate in your brain?